Little Retards--Inside Out
by I Hear Voices In My Head
Summary: Vinny-Mac designs a hat with one sole purpose...if you wear it, you can't lie at a question. So he goes and asks his Superstars their biggest secrets, which are kind of gross to him.


Authors note: Remember, their retarded…sequel to Little Retards. 

Inside Out (A Wrestling Version)

One day, Vince went trick or treating. It was December 1st. . He still wasn't back yet. 

The camera enters a small, dimly lit room. We see some WWF people there sitting nervously by a large black table with a sign above it: **Enter the Teletubbies Fan Club at 1-800-Osama-and-Hitler-are-gay**.There is a large bowl of fruits in the middle. 

Triple H suddenly growls: When will that damn leader Vince of ours come? I'm missing Pokemon!"

Jeff Hardy: Shut up! You'll make La La cry." (Starts stroking his stuffed La La's head.) Anyway, I'm missing Teletubbies _and _Barney!" (Starts crying.) And Osama bin Laden was going to make a special appearance as Twinkie Winkie! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! 

(Jeff's crying fills up the whole room.)

The Rock: Yo, kid. Ya ever hear of the cattle prod? 

Steve Blackman: SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! YOU'LL WAKE UP THE (BLEEP)ING DEAD! 

(Jeff keeps crying.)WAAAAAAAAA! I WANT MY YODA DOLL!

Shane: Yoda? I like Yoda. He had big fuzzy ears…

Tajiri: Meng-o-wa! (Translation: Me too.)

Molly Holly: This is stupid." (Starts grumbling.) 

Blackman: SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUP!

Tajiri: Meng-o-wawa! (Translation: Calm down everyone!)

Steve Austin: Since Vince isn't here, FOOD FIGHT! (Grabs the bowl of fruit and throws one at Debra.)

(Debra gets one and throws it at Lita. Lita gets one and throws it to Triple H.) 

Triple H: Wait! I need to tie my shoes! 

(He throws a Honeydew Melon up in the air aimlessly.)

Matt: Is that one of Lita's boobs? Oh…my mistake. 

(Lita slaps him. The melon hits him after and he's sent flying.)

Matt's dad, Gilbert, suddenly pops up.

Gilbert: TSK TSK TSK. That's what my son gets for playing with lethal Honeydew Melons. 

He disappears with a puff of smoke. 

(Vince suddenly enters with a huge brown bag tailing behind it. Taka and Funaki are carrying it.)

Vince: "Go now, my royal subjects. Before I take you two in the hot oil bath with me." 

(Both, not knowing English, continue to stand. Vince thinks of bathing with them, then decided against it. He opens the bag and sits down. Everyone becomes silent, except for Jeff, who's still crying. )

Vince: Vinny-Mac, my split personality, due to intellect, has designed a hat. 

Molly: (Sarcastically) Fascinating. 

Vince: It is very technological and helps bring out the real you. Everyone close his or her eyes. I will put it on you, and you will suddenly feel an overwhelming surge of extraordinary feelings. 

(Vince puts it on Triple H first. Triple H started screaming.)

Vince: What? (Overjoyed, happy to see the invention was working.)

Triple: I feel like a wuss!

Matt: You look stupid, too. 

(Vince then puts it on Matt.)

Matt: (Has nothing to say.)

Shane: Yoda? Where's Yoda! I love Yoda! Yoda, Yoda, YODA! 

(Vince puts it on Shane.)

Shane: I am suddenly the most humblest man on the planet…

(Vince puts it on Blackman.) 

Blackman: I feel afraid!

Vince: Of what? 

Blackman: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A FLY! 

(Triple H joins in.)

Triple H: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

Matt: "…"

(Kane manages to pull a can of bug spray can out of nowhere.)

Kane: DIE!

Funaki: Meng-o?

(Vince puts it on Funaki.)

Funaki: I now know what stimulants of micros times the number of 9=x and how much 10 % off costs for a 100 dollar bike! 

(And hence, the hat (as you would have figured out) turned the person into a completely different person and turned them inside out.)

(Or, inside in.)

(Vince soon put on all the hats on all the people except himself.)

Vince: On the count of three, you all open your eyes! One…two…three!

(Everyone gasped.)

Triple H: Now I LOOK like a wuss!

Blackman: AHHHHHH!

Matt: "…" 

Debra: I look sexy. 

Lita: I look UGGGGGGGGGGGGLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Jeff: Ya all look like a bunch I ain't wanna hang out with. Ya JABRONIES!

The Rock: You ladies and gentlemen look absolutely wonderful. Scrumptious. 

Steve Austin: What is one plus one? OH I KNOW…three. 

Shane: Hello, may I help you? 

Funaki: I love England!

Taka: And I love Canada!

Kane: You guys are all dumpy, ugly, wimpy, trampy f*&%ing losers. 

(Suddenly, Mr. I-don't-know-where-he-came-from-he-wasn't-in-the-script, who was the only sane one, for he had grown smarter, asked in perplexity): Vince? WHY ARE WE WEARING MICKEY MOUSE EARS?!

(Vince shrugged): Er, I don't know. 

Jeff: I hate Teletubbies!" (Starts stabbing La La.)

Vince: I'm blackmailing you guys. If you don't tell me your old lives before I gave you a WWF contract, then I will keep those hats on you forever! BWA HA HA HA! We go boys first. 

(Looks at everyone and sees Stone Cold twiddling his thumbs nervously.) Steve? 

(Steve Austin swallowed meekly.)

Austin: Back then ::sniff:: I WAS A (BLEEP)ING PROSTITU-" 

Vince: We've heard enough. Triple H?

Triple H: Back in the day, I asked Austin if he would marry me. He said when he was a wrestler, he would. So, Austin, will you marry me? 

Austin: OH HELL YEAH!

(Slips a ring on H's ring finger and kisses him.)

(Debra gasps, then slaps Austin and stomps off.)

Vince: Whatever. Jeff? 

(The 'young' Hardy stands up and says in a proud voice.) "I am really a scientific experiment! I'm five million years old! 

Gilbert pops out of nowhere. 

Gilbert: And you know what that makes me!

Vince: Thank you, Jeff. Taka? 

Taka: Back in the day, I had a harem of a billion women! Debra, Lita, and Molly were a part of it!

Vince: That is very disturbing. Kane?

Kane: In middle school, I got straight A's!

Vince: Good for you. Blackman?

Blackman: My real name is Blackman. 

Vince: (Ignoring Blackman.) Matt?

Matt: I used to date guys! Happy? 

Lita: (Gasps and faints.)

Vince: No. Shane? Oh no wait, I know you. Funaki?

Funaki: I was born in Nigeria. 

Vince: Uh-huh. Rocky?

Rock starts to cry.

Rocky: I was born a woman, but I had a sex change!

Vince: That was nice. Now women. Lita, you go first. 

(Lita stares angrily at Matt, then haughtily put her chin up.)

Lita: I'm married to a guy named Jeff Hardy. (She points to Jeff, who looks confused.) And I have a kid with him. Name's Eddie Vedder Hardy, but they call him Mr. I-don't-know-where-he-came-from-he-wasn't-in-the-script Hardy. 

Matt: (Points to Jeff) CHEAPY! (Points to Lita) SLUT! 

Lita: FAG!

Jeff: Shut up you assholes! 

Vince: Stop fighting. Debra? 

Debra: (Looking very sad.) I fell out of the back of a Camero. 

Vince: Stupid. Molly? 

(Molly burst out into a fit of giddy giggles.)

Molly: Fine, I'll tell. I was born a man, but I had a sex change. I knew Rocky when he was a woman, and he knew me when I was a man!

Rock: That was you?!

Vince: GROSS! Well, I guess we're done. Everyone takes his or her hat off in one...two...three!

(They take their hats off.)

Blackman: Whoa, what was that? 

Matt: What? 

Molly: I just had a weird feeling creep up in the back of my head, like we just had a long conversation.

Debra: Me too. 

Rocky: Yeah, but I can't put my shoe on it. 

Triple H shrugs, but suddenly notices a ring on his finger. He looks at it, puzzled. 

Triple H: Where'd this come from? This ain't Stephanie's. 

Vince laughs evilly. 

Vince: From your husband. 

I Hear Voices In My Head suddenly pops out, her hands on her hips. 

I Hear Voices In My Head: Hey, stupid Vinny-Mac! You weren't supposed to give it away to him!

Triple H: (Stands back in horror.) My HUSBAND?!

Jeff: Na na na na NA NA! Vince sucks! He's STUPID!

Vince: Shut up, Jeff! At least I don't have a kid with that freak show! (He points to Lita.)

Jeff cocks his head, then his eyes widen and he starts stuttering. 

Jeff: Me…and her?

I Hear Voices In My Head: STUPID VINCE! I was going to make a drama out of that, but you had to go ruin the story line! Darn! And that "Lita has Jeff's son but Jeff doesn't know it and neither does Matt but Matt's her boyfriend" story line would have made me a famous author!! 

Vince: Oh shut your hole, I'm way smarter then you are. 

Austin: For Rikishi's butt. 

Vince: Fine, I can take a hint. You all hate me! But that doesn't matter. I'll be back next time, don't worry. And you all have hell to pay! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! 

DUE TO THE STUPIDITY OF VINCE MCMAHON, I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD WILL NOT BE HAVING A "Lita has Jeff's son but Jeff doesn't know it and neither does Matt but Matt's her boyfriend" STORYLINE. IF YOU WANT TO WHINE, MAIL VINCE MCMAHON A COMPLAINT, NOT ME. 

Vince: You'd better take that part off, missy!

I Hear Voices In My Head: Never!

AND DUE TO VINCE'S COMPLAINING AND JERKING AROUND, I WILL NOW GO MAKE HIM HAVE A HOT OIL BATH WITH TAKA AND FUNAKI. 

Taka: Meng-o-wa (Translation: Hiya…Vinny.) *smiles seductively.*

Funaki: Meng-o-wawawa (Translation: Ooh, Vince, you're so cute.)

Vince: NOOOOOOOOOOO! 

AND NOW DUE TO THE GRAPHIC MOMENTS FOLLOWING THIS SCENE, THIS STORY IS ENDING. THANK YOU. GOODBYE!

Vince: I'll get you for this! I will! I will! NO! 

END. 


End file.
